TL;DR I’m not interested in being here anymore. Basically I don’t feel like I belong or provide anything of value. For a more detailed explanation if one is so curious, I’ll provide one in the spoiler. Ciao.
My activity here has deteriorated week after week here, but you know what? I think it’s time to officially take my leave indefinitely. It’s a damn shame too, I really thought of this as my home and the people here as my family, but now neither feels that way to me anymore. For those potentially bothering even taking a look here, I’ll explain why, though some parts will be left purposefully vague and I don’t wish to start a soap opera. Hell no. I already had my fair share of that to last a lifetime, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s simply a way for some potential questions to be answered.
The simplest reason is that I’m simply apathetic and disinterested in anything forum related these days. I rarely say anything in clubs these days, nor do I discuss topics relating to Pokémon. Mostly Discord is to thank for cannibalizing the activity I previously spent here.
However, that alone likely wouldn’t have stopped me from stepping away from Azurilland entirely. There’s at least the community who accepts me for who I am and treats me with respect right? No. Well, at least I don’t feel that way. Over time I that I’ve made my fair share enemies (some more hostile and open about it than others), and I’m well aware that I’ve fallen from grace overall. While some of it is admittedly the result of my own mistakes, there’s a good deal of demonizing and disdain that I feel is unwarranted and perhaps hypocritical. Enough about that though. What most demoralizing is the fact that I can’t even provide to those who matter the most to me. I’ve made a lot of friends here who are some of the dearest people I have come to know. I don’t have any friends in person, so the internet is basically my only form of communication and fraternizing. However, I feel at this point I’m a failure. A good number of people who I have befriended have ceased talking to me probably because, unlike me, they have a life, or perhaps they have their own problems. I’m not the most outgoing or assertive individual, but I’ve always there to offer people advice or provide support, but considering hardly anyone comes to me at this point, I guess what I say is useless. There’s other people out there who do that job better than I do anyways. It’s gotten to the point where some contact is so sparse they might as well be strangers.
So at this point, I’m calling it quits. To those who took time to be with me til the end, I thank you. And in general it was honor to know so many wonderful people here. I just don’t provide anything of use anymore. As of today, I don’t plan on doing anything related to here aside from my football thread (which I might just hand control to someone else) and perhaps a play in the very distant future. I’m sure there are people celebrating my departure so consider this a favor. Now, there’s a slim possibility that I’ll return. Maybe after some soul searching I’ll know how to fix my problems and be a better person, and I’ll be more confident to return. Don’t count it though. My plan is to leave indefinitely. I’ve probably talked way more than I should so I’ll end this here. Farewell.